Postpartum

Postpartum kinda sucks too.

The hospital stay wasn't so bad. Having food brought to you while you lay in bed and sleep is kinda nice. Granted you don't sleep long since you have to breastfeed often but still, knowing that professionals are around is comforting. I'll break my postpartum experience up into a few subtopics.

Incontinence

During my delivery I suffered nerve damage to my bladder, possibly because I was dilated at 9cm for so long and the baby was hanging low and crushing my bladder. Afterwards, I was so thirsty that I chugged water like a maniac but then could not pee. I didn't even feel the urge to pee. By the time a nurse came to catheterize me, my bladder over 1000 cc. Not good. Normally you have ~400 cc. This happened a couple times, which was even worse for my bladder now because I had distended it, causing more damage. For the rest of my hospital stay, I was hooked up to a foley catheter and given opportunities to try to pee. No go. On the last day, I would feel the urge to go but then not be able to. Do you know how incredibly frustrating that is? So, I had to go home with a foley catheter in me. This was terrible for a several reasons: 1) it was horribly uncomfortable, even painful at times 2) I couldn't walk around freely since I was attached to a bag of urine. This was rather heartbreaking since I couldn't really hold Max and walk around and soothe him. All I could do was sit in a chair and feed him and then pass him on to someone else 3) I was constantly worried about a UTI and had to take antibioitics to ensure I wouldn't get one.

I delivered Tues, went home on Thurs, and by Sat I was still suffering from incontinence. At this point the doctor advised me to learn how to self catheterize so that I didn't have to be constantly hooked up to the foley. This way, my bladder could relearn it's function as well. Lucky for me, my sister in law is a nurse and was able to teach me. So from that day forward I was free from the urine bag, yippee! Slowly but surely, I started to regain bladder function and by the following Wed or Thurs, I was able to stop using the catheter altogether. Which is a good thing for me because it actually became quite painful toward the end. You can only imagine how irritated your body can get from shoving a plastic tube up your pee hole (pardon the imagery). Anyway, this was the number one most stressful thing about my postpartum experience.

Pain

After a vaginal delivery, it feels like every bone in your pelvic region has been broken. I also had a second degree tear so had to get some stitches. Your bottom is pretty much horribly sore and tender. Sitting is not fun. Thankfully the hospital sends you home with meds. For me, the pain felt pretty bad for about a week and then started to get much better afterwards. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to suffer with the catheter on top of it, but those were the cards dealt to me. My bleeding cleared up entirely by the third week so I guess I had one thing going for me.

Insomnia

I had some major insomnia following my labor. Any time I laid down to sleep, I'd just lay there with my mind racing (stressing about a variety of issues...see Anxiety section below). The first few days I felt like I slept two hours a day on average. Not fun. This slowly started to get better over the next two weeks, esp as my anxiety improved.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is harder than it sounds. First you have to work on the latch. At the hospital, the nurses show you how to shove your breast into the baby's mouth. Once home, this would sometimes work but more often than not, Max would not latch on properly. After many missed attempts, he would then start to cry hysterically. This was especially hard for me to deal with, since my sole responsibility at that point was to feed my child and I even had trouble doing that. Luckily I soon found an article online that promoted infant led latching, i.e. just let the infant figure it out on his own rather than trying to forcefully shove his head around. Once I started doing this, Max would latch on like a champ after a few tries. In this case, it was best for me to step out of Mother Nature's way and let her do her thing. In the early days, I was also constantly worried that Max wasn't getting enough food (as most mothers do). What a relief it was when my milk came in towards the end of the fifth day. But of course, as soon as I stopped worrying about my milk, I discovered a sizable lump on the side of my breast. Hooray, a new thing to worry about! My doctor didn't know what it was so I was referred to a specialist to get a sonogram. Luckily it turned out to be a benign cyst which the radiologist thought was just due to the breastfeeding. Hopefully it will go away on it's own.

Anxiety

I was an utter basket case after birth. I would stress and freak out about EVERYTHING - my bladder issues, when my milk would come in, my inability to sleep, my inability to soothe the baby, possible baby reflux, latch issues, breast issues. You name it, I freaked out about it. And when I say freaked out, I mean I would obsessively google the topic at every opportunity. Google has been a wolf in sheep's clothing for me. The internet provides a wealth of information but definitely brought the worst out in me during those days. I'll blame my anxiety on the hormones...

Hormones

After labor, your hormones are completely out of whack. You've got a sudden drop in estrogen levels, which pretty much gives you hot flashes and chills like you're going through menopause (I woke up several nights drenched in sweat). As mentioned above, you freak out about anything and cry at the drop of a hat. It's not pretty. It's really not pretty.

Well, that's about all I can think of. It's now been two months since I gave birth and I'm happy to report that I'm much closer to being my normal self. I've started to go back to yoga or go jogging when I can (I've dropped 28 of the 40 lbs I gained). Breastfeeding is much easier and pumping is actually kinda fun (I like meticulously organizing my milk packets in the freezer). There are still things I worry about, i.e. Max's sleep patterns, his spitting up, etc. But my worry is nowhere near the level it used to be. As they say, I know each issue "shall pass" if I just have the patience to wait it out and to let nature take it's course. I just need to stop trying to control things.

Lucky for me, I've got a wonderful husband, a wonderful mom (and visiting aunt from taiwan), and a wonderful mother-in-law to help me raise this child, who I must say is one damn cute baby.

Birthing

Birthing sucks. There are no if, ands, or buts about it. I suppose there are women out there that revel in the experience. I went into delivery thinking I might be one of those women - you know, no pain killers, walking around as I calmly breathe through the contractions, suffering through the rite of birth as millions of women have done before me.

Um. Wrong. Here's how my birth story went.

At 5:30 in the morning, I woke up to mild stomach cramps. They seemed to occur at regular intervals so I thought myself, "oh, this must be the day!" After a little while, I get up to use the restroom and sure enough, there was my mucous plug in the toilet. At this point, I take a shower, poke Badge awake to let him know the news, and then go downstairs to eat breakfast. I actually had a ob appt that morning at 10 so I decide to go in and let them know I was having contractions. The doctor checked my cervix and said I was only dilated 1.5 cm. She didn't seem convinced that I would go into labor so she told me to go home and see if it continues. Once home, I lay on the couch (spread a trash bag under me in case my water breaks - hey it's a new couch) and suffer in silence. My mom, who was staying with us for the big event, unhelpfully took pics of me while I was laying there in pain. Good one, Ma. Those pics will never see the light of day. Around 11:30, the pain was quite intense so Badge, my mom and I packed into the Leaf and drove to the hospital. By the time we get there, I'm shaking uncontrollably during each contraction. The lady at the front desk offered me a wheelchair which I gladly took (ironic how I scoffed at needing a wheelchair during our hospital tour). Once checked in, the nurse checked my cervix and I was a stretchy 3.5 cm dilated - interesting side note, everyone kept commenting how stretchy my cervix is... good to know.

At this point, I'm dry heaving through each contraction. The pain is like nothing I've ever felt before. It literally feels like someone is ripping my stomach and intestines out. All my excellent yogic breathing skills go out the door and I'm just trying to hang on to my sanity. I'm not kidding. I really thought if I had to go through another hour of this pain I would be driven to madness. Suffice it to say, I was asking every 5 minutes for the epidural. Sadly for me, the anesthesiologist was in surgery for a cesarean so I have to wait. Nooooo. Finally around 1:40pm, the man appears like a knight in shining armor and gives me my shot. I want to kiss him or name my baby after him. The pain fades and I lay there in bliss, watching the blips on the chart that track my contractions. From here, it was just a matter of waiting. The doctor came in and noted that I was dilating well. Around 4pm I was dilated close to 9cm but then got stuck there for some reason. The doctor again felt around and was unsure what position the baby was (face up or face down) and also thought she felt the cord around the shoulder. Not a good sign. She warned me that a cesarian was a possibility and then gave me a little pitocin to encourage my cervix to dilate the rest of the way. After a while, I developed a fever and the doc made the decision to let me start pushing since the baby was already so low. She thought maybe she could get him out with forceps if need be.

By that point it was around 7pm I think, so I hike up my legs and start pushing. Wow, pushing is hard. You pretty much just bear down until your face is purple and you can't breathe, then do it all over again. I gave myself a mammoth headache from the strain and lack of oxygen to my brain. After an hour and twenty minutes of this (which I was told is not bad for a first time mom), the head starts to emerge so everyone gets in position for the last push. At this point, my mom and Badge set up the computer and put my sister on gchat and point her at my nether regions. Gotta love technology. Alright so, final push and Max comes flying out. At this point several things happened.

1. Max had the umbilical wrapped around his head and shoulders and the doc had to do some quick maneuvering to get him unwrapped (thankfully she was quick on her toes).
2. Max pooped on his way out, I think from all the stress.

The doctor plops the baby in my arms, poop and all. I get a minute to smile at this slime-y little creature before the attendants move him to the side to clean him up. Unfortunately, then they notice:

3. Max is not breathing properly. He sounds like he's struggling.
4. Max has a fever of 102.9.
5. Max has a heartbeat of 202bpm (~150bpm is typical)

Once he's cleaned up and weighed, the baby is taken to the nursery for observation. Badge left to be by his side the whole time. Everyone is waits around in nervous anticipation - pretty stressful. After a couple hours, he comes back to let me know that the baby has stabilized and is doing much better. Whew. I get moved to a recovery room and after another hour they bring our little guy back to us and I start breastfeeding, Here's our little nugget of joy.


Now, you would think that's the end of the story and everything is uphill from here. Wrong again! Recovery was not easy for me. But that's for the next blog post. Stay tuned.